


The Perfect Present

by Kitsune9tails



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Fisting, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Christmas Fluff, Deepthroating, Drinking, Explicit Sexual Content, Felching, First Time Bottoming, Gay Sex, Gift Fic, Helicopters, Humor, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, One Shot, Oral Sex, POV First Person, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Post-Coital Cuddling, Reno's Perspective, Rimming, Yaoi, sake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 18:42:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9002080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitsune9tails/pseuds/Kitsune9tails
Summary: Dammit, Rude!  Why are you so hard to shop for, yo?  Wait, I've got it!...





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MagicInTheMundane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicInTheMundane/gifts).



> Gift fic by request of my best friend and beta, MagicintheMundane.

Haa. Nothing like flying around in your own private helicopter. Well, technically it's ShinRa property, but no one flies my baby but me, yo! I tricked her out so much over the years I basically built her anyway. Hn. I can see everything from up here. Buildings, ant-people, snow... 

Shit?! Snow?! It's Christmas in, like, two days! How the hell did I forget?! And who the hell does Rufus think he is, assigning missions this late in December?! Son of a bitch! I've gotta get Rude a present. Dammit! He never talks about himself, what the hell am I gonna get him?! I could ask him. He doesn't seem like the guy to care about surprises.

"Hey, Rude..."

"Hn." Monotone as ever, I see. Frowns when he's happy. Frowns when he's mad. Frowns when he's pissed.

"What'd'ya want for Christmas, partner?"

"..."

"That's very helpful, yo. Come on, it's the day after tomorrow."

"And you haven't bought gifts yet?"

"Oh, come on, man. Give me some slack, yo. It's not like we've been rushed off our feet for the last month and a half. Oh, wait. Rufus thinks that by working his last fey guys half to death, he can win the people back. Gimme a break. If I wanted to be popular, I wouldn't have joined up in the first place. What'd you get for Tseng?"

"I bought the director a watch."

"Is that it? Aren't Xmas gifts meant to be, I don't know, special, or whatever?"

"It's rare. He collects them."

"How'd you know that?"

"Hm."

"Oh, I see. So you just asked, huh?"

"Mmm."

"Tch. Man, where do you fnd the time? Or money?"

"I make time. And not everyone spends their whole paycheck on whiskey and cigarettes."

"Hey, d'ya remember that vacation in Wutai? Back during the good ol' days?" 

"The mission, Reno."

"Yeah, yeah. So, anyway, do you remember that pub? The, uh, Blue Tortoise, or somethin'?"

"Turtle's Paradise. Take us down on the right."

"You got it." I guess we'd have to talk about this later. Whatever. What was it he was drinkin' nack then? I remember he said it was real' good, yo. Sa somethin'. Bullets rushin' past my head, huh? Work on your aim, you bastards.

"Hey, assholes! Ya missed!"

"Pay attention."

"Tch." Just like Rude. All work and no play. Fine. "Fine! Let's kill these guys quickly so we can go out for drinks!" Seriously. Who the hell pulls a stunt like this on December 23rd?! Do these assholes not have families? Shit. Now I feel sorry for them. 

I rush left and right, darting through the shadows, skirting bullets. Up, down, over, under. Man, I freakin's love this dance! I slide over a crate and slam my Mag-Rod through the guy's neck. Zap! Bastard'll feel that, if and when the poor sap wakes up.

"Boy, did you assholes pick the wrong fight? We beat the damn Remnants, yo! YEAARRGH!!!!" And another punk bites the dust. Man, I love this job.

"Not quite, Reno."

"Whatever. We wore 'em down for blondie."

A few minutes pass and I take my first well-earned drag. Ah, bliss. None of that menthol shit. If I wanted mint I'd drink Cream of Moths, of whatever that green crap's called. I don't speak French. What even is French? France hasn't existed for over a millenium. I've seen two-thousand year old maps. Where the hell would Europe even fit anymore? And Booberella has a sign that says Texas. What the hell is that? 

"Hey, Rude. What's Texas?"

"Old state. American."

"Oh, yeah. That was the big one. Ancient history, right? What do you think changed the topography so much?"

"Probably the meteor that fell-"

"Oh, the Northern Cave!"

"Right. But you're better off asking Reeve."

"Nah. My interest's already fadin', yo. So, about that drink, you wanna come and get hammered, or what?"

"I'd hate to see your liver."

"Nyahaha! I'm indestructible, yo. Hell, I've survived more run-ins with Spike than even the mighty Sephiroth."

"I don't think Cloud was ever trying to kill you. And you ra-"

"I wasn't runnin', yo! I was... er... tactically retreatin'. Y'know, for the time bein'."

"Seventh Heaven?"

"You know it." I flicked my long-dead cig away (they never last long enough) and we walked through the mist. Surprisingly, Tifa was still willin' to serve us. Even after we trashed the place that one time. And dropped the plate on it that other time. That was... less fun. Old ShinRa was awful. Not sure who's worse; the old man or Rufus. Still, we'd earned some hero points the last couple o' years. And this place sure is nice in the winter. Ambient lighting, foggy window panes. Candles. Candles?! Layin' it on a bit thick there, hey?

"Hey, Tifa! What's with the candles? It's almost romantic."

"Not now, Reno. Cloud said he might actually come home for the holidays this year. If you're having something, drink it quickly and get out."

"Man, you can do so much better than Chocobo-butt. Heh. Maybe you and me could get together sometime?"

"Hm? Hahahahahaha! I@m sorry, it's just... pftahahaha!"

"What the hell, yo? A good lookin' guy like me and you laugh?!"

"Oh, honey. No. It's just, I always though you and Rude were... y'know" She stook her pinky out at me like...

"Woah! What the hell! I'm not- we-we're not- the hell?!"

"Really? Purely professional, huh? You know he's been staring at your ass since you walked in here, right?"

"R-really? He is?"

"No. But, you wanted him to, huh?" Great. Now my face matches my hair. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm not... am I? Let me check. Boobs. Boobs. BOOBS.... Yep. Still works. But... Rude.... no! We've been partners for years! We... I... I'm not crossin' that line. He's a guy, for god's sake! A big, muscular, handsome... big... What the hell?!?!

"Reno? Are you okay? You've been staring at theat light fitting for ages."

"Huh?"

"And you've turned a really interesting colour."

"Sh-shut up! Just gimme our drinks!"

"All right. What're you having?"

"Er"... Damn. Tif's got a lotta bottles back there, and none of them are painted on. Wine, Scotch, ooh, Scotch! Erm... Tifa sighed and went back to wipin' the counter. Why is my brain bein' so slow today? Is there a drink she doesn't have here? Wait, what's that? Sa... sa... sake? Sake! That's that thing Rude likes! "Hey, Tifa! That er Sake, what is that?"

"Hm? Oh, this? Highest grade quality. All the way from Wutai."

"The, er, Heavenly Tortoise?"

"What? Never heard of it. Do you mean Turtle's Paradise?"

"Y-yeah! Get me that bottle! And do you do gift-wrappin'?" 

"Haa... that's 2300 gil. Anything else?"

"Oh, uh, two glasses of Scotch."

"Comin' right up. 100 gil each. And good luck."

"Huh? Good luck?"

"You're blushing again. I'll bring these right over." Crazy woman with her perverted fantasies! Still... he is kinda... What is happenin' to me?

 

We were sittin' at our booth and I was... just kinda starin'. Rude was starin' right back, through his sunglasses, lookin' at me like I was mental. Wait, was I smiling?! Ah, shit! I've been sat here with a big, goofy grin plastered all over my face!

"Here you go, guys. Two Scotch and a mystery bottle for a special someone." I glared at her, and she freakin' _winked_ at me! What is her problem?!

"Would you get outta here?!" Rude raised an eyebrow at me.

"I'd love to, but it's my bar. Enjoy!"

"Hm?" Oh, god! Somethin's piqued Rude's interest. Now what? What did she do?! Was that a gift tag?! WHAT DID SHE DO?!

" _To my big, strong... Papa Bear... Merry Christmas, Reno._ Papa Bear?"

"What?! I didn't write that!"

"It's in your handwriting."

"What the hell, Tifa? How'd you do that?!" Her only response was another wink. I swear, she's really pissin' me off, yo!

"I, uh, didn't know you cared... this way."

I began waving my hands defensively; gettin' more and more flustered. "I didn't! I don't! I mean, you're great, but, uh...!" And then floundering. Great. Just great. So undignified. Was I even making sense anymore? Out of nowhere, Rude's big, warm hand was on my face. So soft, but firm. And the blushin's back. I'm gapin' like a trout on a line. Now just reel me in, I guess. Was this really happenin'?!

"Reno."

"Y-yeah?" God, when did Rude's voice get so... gah!

"Stop talking." And just like that he was kissin' me. Kissin' me, yo! And it was the best damn kiss I'd ever had! We only stopped because Tifa kept shoutin' 'Woo!!!', yo. We drank our Scotch and stood up to leave.

"Wait! Your, uh, present. You can open it early. If... if you want." I was tracin' circles with my big toe. What am I? Some schoolgirl with a crush?! Silently, Rude pulled the wrapper of the Sake, then kissed me again and picked me up, cradlin' me like some damn princess. And I didn't mind! Why don't I mind? He was carryin' me home through the snow! 

"Rude?"

"Shh. I want to open my other present next." Corny line, yo! Why did that work?! Why am I blushin'?! Why am I enjoying this?!

 

Back at Rude's place, he poored us both some Sake in these little, ceramic shots. It really was good. Hot like fire, gave me an excuse for the constant goddamn blushin'! 

"Pity we couldn't warm it up."

"Yeah..." I trailed off, too excited to really focus on anything other than Rude's lips. This time, I kissed him! Just grabbed his face and started stickin' my tongue down his throat. He kissed me back, hot like fire. Fire in my chest, on my back, on my face, in my... hell, I'm not shy, yo! Least of all in my thoughts. Fire in the crotch, yo! Except good, and without diseases. Or itchin'. We undressed each other as we danced to the bedroom; lips never breaking their seal. I unzipped his jacket and he pushed mine off. I ran my hands over his clothed chest and he unbuttoned my shirt. I tugged on his tie, and he tugged my ponytail; drawing me ever closer to that heat, that fire. I couldn't stand it anymore, yo! I needed skin! I ripped his shirt open, sending buttons flyin' everywhere. He grunted in annoyance, then in pleasure as I ran my hands over his chest again, now bare. It was so warm to the touch. I grazed his nipples with my palms; raised like pebbles. A pinch here, a twist there. Having arrived, we fell onto the bed. Hurriedly, we split apart to shed the rest of our clothes and - Holy hell! That thing is huge! I didn't know they made 'em that big! And it wasn't even full-mast! I'm nothing to be ashamed of, but he must've been triple my girth and nearly twice my length! It must've been fifteen inches! Am I starin'? I think I'm starin'.

"Lose the glasses, yo."

"Keep the goggles." I stared at him, actually into his eyes for once. Such a deep brown. I slipped my goggles down over my eyes and (somewhat nervous) began workin' my first cock. Well, second, if you count my own. Yes, I am that flexible! You're all just jealous! I ran the tip of my tongue just barely over the head. It tasted... not that bad, actually. Kinda salty, but sweet, and kinda like the way Rude smelt. Not that I go around sniffin' people. I must've been doin' something right, because it twitched and a spurt of pre shot out at me. If that's his pre, then how much does he... y'know what? Nevermind. I'll find out. I stretched my mouth wider to try and take more of that behemoth dick. Like, seriously, I bet some behemoths are smaller. I nearly cracked my jaw, I think. 

"Work the shaft more, if it's easier." Well, shit. That's just embarressing. I hadn't disappointed a woman, and I wasn't gonna start my track record for men imperfect, yo! I blushed a little, fondled his balls (which were the size of freakin' oranges!), and forced the head down my throat. I think I scratched it with my teeth a little, because he yelped. But years of drinkin' had basically neutred my gag reflex, so I, uh, soon made him forget _all_ his troubles. Somehow I took him to the base without breakin' my jaw, and his whole body started hummin'. I was really gettin' into it, yo. Moving my head back and forth, rolling my tongue around him, relaxing and tensin' my throat, playin' with his balls (which was weirdly fun. Super soft, smooth skin over those crazy-huge things) and then out of nowhere, he grabs my hips and lifts 'em straight to his mouth and then he starts doin' this thing with his tongue. It was crazy! squirmin' around in there, I couldn't help but start moanin' in wanton lust. If I'd known man-sex felt this good, I'd have started years ago, yo! Next thing I know, his finger slips in there with his tongue and it was like bliss. It didn't even hurt, which was weird, hell, it wasn't even uncomfortable! Then he touched somethin' inside me that made my dick jump around like crazy. I think he was lookin' for it, 'cos next he just starts rubbin' that one spot, while he works another finger inside. Not gonna lie, that second one stung a tiny bit. But that just made it feel better, somehow. That first digit's workin' the wonder-spot and the next's just goin' in and out; sparks shootin' off my hole like crazy. Tiny, electric needles of pleasure as it rubbed its way in and out. I almost weep with how nice it feels, then bam! Two more and he's twistin' his wrist about and they're just stretchin' me like crazy.

"Rude! What the hell are you doin' back there?!"

"Getting you ready."

"Ah! Aah! Am I ready now? Jesus."

"Not quite. I'm pretty big."

"Oooooooh... hah... so I... see."

Then he pushes his whole hand up there, like what the hell?! But it did feel really good; all his digits squirming around in there. 

"I don't care if I'm ready, Rude. Just, please. Please, ah! Fuck me!" 

He lays me down on my back, with pillows piled under me, just above my ass. He pushes my ankles up by my ears, where I hold them for him. He pushes my cheeks apart and starts licking me again. I roll my head against the sheets, gasping for breath. He's teasing me, but I don't even care. It all just feels so... exquisite. He rolls his tongue up, over my taint, over my balls, which he pauses to suck lightly; then he's sucking my dick for a brief moment. He trails upwards, gliding over my whole body. He nudges my entrance with just the tip, then chomps down on my neck as he shoves all the way in in one smooth motion. I'm arching my back, seeing stars with how amazing it all feels. He's filling me up in ways I never knew you could be; the head stretching god-knows-where while with every thrust the whole length of him grinds against that white-hot button. Two minutes in and I'm desperately close. I've never known pleasure like this with his balls slapping my ass. I can feel the heat coiling up in my loins and I relax my abdomenals as much as I can before I reach a screaming orgasm; almost untouched. White-hot flashes of fire pass through my trembling body, a tiny boat swept along in the tsunami of Rude's ferocious pounding. I'm sprayin' cum all over us, but it just doesn't stop. He keeps fuckin' me, and I'm spasming around him as with every thrust I cum again. It's insane, but I love it. Another ten minutes of ploughing and he grunts; his thrusts get a little sloppier and I feel his cock pulsing inside me, filling me with a huge load. He keeps going, keeps thrusting, keeps shooting thick ropes of jizz deeper and deeper inside me. He stills, but somehow I'm still goin'. He leans back a little, and gently sucks me off until I finally stop cumming. I'm totally blissed out and can barely move, but he's lickin' all the mess away until I'm spotless. Next he cleans his mess too, lickin' my ass until I'm nice and clean. He collapses next to me on the bed and wraps his warm arms around me while we just lay there, pantin'.

"Best. Sex. Ever." I pant out before passing out from shear exhaustion. Nothin'll ever feel that good again, I bet.

 

The next morning I wake up in Rude's warm embrace and he gently kisses my cheek. "Rude, I think I might be gay." He barely responds, but pulls me closer as we fall back to sleep.


End file.
